1. "Old Theresa Brown/And this guy is gray."
Song:  “California Dreaming.”  Singer(s):  Cass Elliot, Denny Doherty, John and Michelle Phillips, or The Mamas and the Papas (Answered by Foam).  Correct lyrics:  “All the leaves are brown/And the sky is gray” (Partially answered by Foam).


2.  "A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds/Will get sand in his face when kicked to the groin."
Song:  “I Can Make You a Man” (Answered by Dale).  Singer(s):  Rocky Horror Picture Show Original Cast, Dr. Frankenfurter, or Tim Curry (Answered by Dale).  Correct lyrics:  “A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds/Will get sand in his face when kicked to the ground” (Answered by Dale).

Of course, with Tim Curry’s annunciation, that last word really sounds more like ‘groin’ than ‘ground.’


3.  "Blue eye, blue eye/No, no, no, no/I said, ‘A wig and a comb.’"
Song:  “Louie, Louie.”  Singer(s):  The Kingsmen, or Jack Ely.  Correct lyrics:  “Louie, Louie/No, no, no, no/I said, ‘We gotta go.’”

The song’s composer, Richard Berry, originally recorded “Louie, Louie” in 1957 with his band, the Pharaohs, and released it without incident as the b-side to the song “Rock, Rock, Rock.”  This tune, about a Jamaican sailor pining for his girlfriend back home, didn’t do well nationally or internationally, but developed a cult following in the Seattle scene of the late-1950s and early-1960s.  Many local rock bands included it as a must in their repertoires, and recorded numerous versions of it long before the Kingsmen committed it to vinyl in 1963.  The Kingsmen’s version, however, struck a nerve.  Its garbled lyrics gave it a mystique.  Rock fans and anti-rock activists outside of Seattle, unfamiliar as they were with "Louie, Louie," tried to decode it for lewd hidden meanings.

The unintelligible singing resulted accidentally from a number of factors.  First off, lead singer Jack Ely had blown his voice out the night before during a ninety-minute “Louie, Louie” jam session.  What’s worse, the studio where they recorded it mounted it’s vocal mike on the wall in a fixed position approximately a foot over Ely’s head.  So he had to stand on his toes and shout the lyrics so that they could be heard at all.  Ely was also under the impression that they were rehearsing the song, and didn’t realize that this would constitute the final take until they finished.  Moreover, Ely had to sing through all of this while wearing braces, which inhibited him from articulating clearly under those circumstances.

I got the idea for this particular question from these guys .  Check it out if you need a good laugh.

4.  "Has to, Edward’s side for Mitch/Den singer itch, I in lead for dish."
Song: “99 Luftballoons.“  Singer(s):  Nena, or Nena Hagen (Gabrielle Kerner--Answered by Foam).  Correct lyrics:  “Hast du etwas zeit für mich?/Dann singe ich ein lied für dich [Got some time for me?/Then I’ll sing you a song]” (Answered by Foam).

In case you never knew, this anti-war song is about using the UFO scare as an excuse for militarization--thus making it right at home on Der X-Punkt, I mean The X-Spot.

5.  "Midsummer’s day/Midsummer’s day."
Song:  “It’s a Mistake.”  Singer(s):  Men at Work, or Colin Hay.  Correct lyrics: “It’s a mistake/It’s a mistake.”

While on a road trip with my college sweetheart and her family, this song came on the radio, and her mother, singing along, actually perceived these as the lyrics.  No, we didn’t tell her.

6.  "Let’s get enemas, enemas/I wanna get enemas/Let’s get, uh, enemas."
Song:  “Let’s Get Physical” (First answered by Eric1313.  Independently answered by Foam).  Singer:  Olivia Newton-John. (Answered by Eric1313).  Correct Lyrics “Let’s get animal, animal/I wanna get animal/Let’s get into animal.”

The first time I heard this song, I could swear this is what she was singing--which kinda made sense because in the previous chorus I thought she said, “Let’s get physicals, physicals….”  I thought the song was about going to the doctor, or playing doctor, or something.

7. "Old children/Is just a shadow way/It’s just a shadow way."
Song:  “Gimmie Shelter” (Answered by Dale)  Singer(s):  The Rolling Stones, or Mick Jagger (First answered by Foam.  Independently answered by Dale).  Correct lyrics:  “War, Children/It’s just a shot away/It’s just a shot away” (First answered by Dale.  Partially answered by Foam.)

8.  "I could be Jason/But my dime would be wasting/They got nothing on Hugh."
Song:  “Nothin’ on You.”  Singer(s):  B.o.B. (Bobby Simmons, Jr, the credited solo artist) or Bruno Mars (Peter Hernandez, the actual singer of this passage).  Correct lyrics:  “I could be chasing/But my time would be wasted/They got nothin’ on you.”

9.  "It’s bound to take your life/There’s a bathroom on the right."
Song:  “Bad Moon Rising” (First answered by Charles.  Partially answered by Eric1313 and Ray)  Singer(s):  Creedence Clearwater Revival, or John Fogarty (First answered by Eric1313.  Independently answered by Charles).  Correct lyrics:  “It’s bound to take your life/There’s a bad moon on the rise” (Answered by Eric1313).

10.  "Here we are now/In containers."
Song:  “Smells Like Teen Spirit” (Answered by Dale).  Singer(s):  Nirvana, or Kurt Cobain (Answered by Dale).  Correct lyrics:  “Here we are now/Entertain us” (Answered by Dale).

11.  "Ha, ha, ha, ha/Steak and a knife/Steak and a knife."
Song:  “Stayin’ Alive” (Answered by Dale).  Singer(s):  The Bee Gees, or Barry, Maurice or Robin Gibb (Answered by Dale).  Correct lyrics:  “Ah, ha, ha, ha/Stayin’ alive/Stayin’ alive” (Mostly answered by Dale).

12.  "You see the sky?/The sky’s in love with you."
Song:  “This Guy’s in Love with You.”  Singer:  Herb Alpert.  Correct lyrics:  “You see this guy?/This guy’s in love with you.”

Primarily known as a trumpet player and record executive, this was a rare occurrence of Alpert actually singing.  The song was written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David, who wrote a number of hits for Dionne Warwick.  Warwick also recorded this song as “This Girl’s in Love with You.”

13.  "A frank zapper and the mother/Were at the best place around."
Song:  “Smoke on the Water” (Answered by Charles)  Singer(s):  Deep Purple, or Ian Gillan (Answered by Charles).  Correct lyrics:  “But Frank Zappa and the Mothers/Were at the best place around.”

“The Mothers” refers to Zappa’s band, the Mothers of Invention.  The song itself chronicles the events of the 1971 Montreux Casino fire.  Zappa was onstage when the fire started, while the Deep Purple were preparing for a recording session nearby.

BTW, if you care to see more stick figure animation.

14,  "A fine little bitch, she waits for me/She gets her kicks on top of me/Each night I take her out all alone/She ain’t the kind I lay at home."
Song:  “Louie, Louie.”  Singer(s):  The Kingsmen, or Jack Ely.  Correct lyrics:  “A fine little girl, she waits for me/Me catch a ship across the sea/I sailed the ship all alone/I never think I’ll make it home.”

On The X-Spot, you’ve often seen me refer to items in a subject’s FBI file.  “Louie, Louie” was a song that had it’s own FBI file, filled with speculation by anti-rock activists and clueless parents about the lyrics.  The above represent an mishmash of these mishearings.

Figure 1.  Suspected “Louie, Louie” lyrics investigated by the FBI.

15.  "Lawrence of Arabia, British in Romania/Oldness, John Glen, Mr. Peeps, Allison."
Song:  “We Didn’t Start the Fire” (Answered by Eric1313).  Singer:  Billy Joel.  Correct lyrics:  “Lawrence of Arabia, British Beatlemania/Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson.”

16.  "Just wrap your legs ‘round these velvet rims/And strap your hands ‘cross my inches."
Song:  “Born to Run” (First answered by Eric1313. Independently answered by Ray and Charles).  Singer:  Bruce Springsteen (First answered by Eric1313.  Independently answered by Ray and Charles). Correct lyrics:  “Just wrap your legs ‘round these velvet rims/And strap your hands ‘cross my engines” (Answered by Ray).

The first time I moved to New Jersey, someone told me a rumor about a bill floating around the state legislature to make “Born to Run” the official state rock song (or official song).  That made sense to me.  After all, Springsteen’s a native son.  Moreover, the song contains one of the most accurate descriptions of New Jersey I’ve ever heard:

It’s a deathtrap!
It’s a suicide rap!
We gotta get out while we’re young!

17.  "He mass production, he got walrus gumbo/He got Ono cycle, he one spinal cracker."
Song:  “Come Together” (First answered by Eric1313.  Independently answered by Ray and Charles).  Singer(s):  The Beatles, or John Lennon, or Paul McCartney (First answered by Eric1313.  Independently answered by Ray, Charles and Dale). Correct lyrics:  “He bag production, he got walrus gumboot/He got Ono sideboard, he one spinal cracker.”

This is a case where the misheard lyrics make about as much sense as the real ones.

18.  "Kitschy, Kitschy, ja, ja, Dada/Kitschy, Kitschy, ja, ja, here/Mocha choker latte, ja, ja."
Song:  “Lady Marmalade” (First answered by Eric1313. Independently answered by Dale.  Hinted at by Foam).  Singer(s):  Labelle, or Nona Hendryx, Sarah Dash, or Patti LaBelle (Patricia Holte-Edwards--First answered by Eric1313.  Independently answered by Dale.).  Correct lyrics:  “Gitchi, gitchi, ya, ya, da, da/Gitchi, gitchi, ya, ya, here/Mocca chocalata ya, ya.”

In some respects, you could characterize Labelle as a real-life female version of  Spınal Tap.  They persisted for decades, constantly reinventing themselves to fit new times and subgenres:  from the girl groups of the early-1960s, to glam-rockers, to backup singers for Patti LaBelle’s close friend Laura Nyro, to disco divas, to 1980s synthpoppers. 

19.  "Stood a rain/Cold and damp/Still, the warm wind/Tires friend."
Song:  “Black Hole Sun.”  Singer(s): Soundgarden, or Chris Cornell.  Correct lyrics:  “Stuttering/Cold and damp/Steal the warm wind/Tired friend.”

20.  "To be a true player, you have to know how to play/If she say you’re night, convince her.  Say you’re day."
Song:  “It Wasn’t Me.”  Singer(s):  Shaggy (Orville Burrell, the credited solo artist), or RikRok (Ricardo Ducent, the actual singer of this passage).  Correct lyrics:  “To be a true player, you have to know how to play/If she say you’re not, convince her.  Say you’re gay.”

This song inspired the colloquial term “Shaggy Defence” amongst attorneys.  It refers to denying one’s guilt despite overwhelming and indisputably obvious evidence to the contrary.  AOL Radio blogger Matthew Wilkening ranked “It Wasn’t Me” at #5 in his list of Worst Songs Ever, noting that it was  “… so bad it further corrupted lawyers.”